eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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