I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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