once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
3pm strippers are depressing
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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