the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
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