Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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