I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Sober January is a disaster.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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