I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
