i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
