I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
