Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
