You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
