I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
