apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
