So gin and wine won't be happening again
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
