I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
