i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
