Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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