Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
