Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
People in love make me want to vomit
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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