I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
