i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
My liver just had a heart attack.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
