I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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