i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
