mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
