I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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