Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
