I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
my liver is dry heaving
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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