Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Randomize
