Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Drunk is not a location!
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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