People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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