were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize