Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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