I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
