Don't make out with my wife yet
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
