ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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