Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
