If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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