Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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