You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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