Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
