Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
