yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
This is classic penis vs brain.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
