dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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