Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
