Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
