How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
