I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
