3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Your tits are I can't wait for
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
