I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
