You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize