Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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