i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
