at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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