I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
