You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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