it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
