i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
