Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Randomize