Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(770): View more from Georgia

I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.

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(269): View more from Michigan

when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?

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(540): View more from Virginia

Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Do you think the firemen will remember me?

(315): View more from New York

Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.

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