I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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