What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
