I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
try to milk me bitch
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