My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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