Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
