she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
