I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
