nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
