that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
