you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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