I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
