I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
