I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
