Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
my shit smells like andre
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
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