Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My Higher Power is John Stamos
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
